Walking Through The Storms Of Life

November is always so tough for me, the end of this month marks Five long years since our Angel baby passed away. When you go through joy to having a life ripped from you it's almost impossible to get over.  For me, after I miscarried I blocked it out from my memory I so called "moved on" with my life and went on living until one day (two years later) it all hit me in the biggest way and I sobbed for weeks,  for what could have been, for the pain, for the two years I "lost" and for my baby's future I'd never get to experience. It's a difficult thing losing a child, No parent should ever have to go through that and sadly it's incredibly common. It's not something you never get over or move on from, that child is always in your heart and you never stop thinking of them about dreaming who they would be.                        Would they be a boy or a girl? Would they have brown hair like mommy or sandy blon...

It's November 8th already, I've been twenty nine for a whole week today. This is never how I imagined my life to be, when I sit and think about my dreams, lets be real (I sit and think way too much) I don't imagine being married almost seven years with no children in my life, I didn't imagine this heartbreak from the last six years, including losing our angel baby. I never imagined we'd spend almost our entire marriage trying for a baby year after year with no answers and more heartbreak then I've ever felt or sitting with an empty womb. I never imagined watching my friends have three or more children while I'm over here just trying to have one. I didn't ever think about watching my nieces and nephews grow up without my children playing with them. I always thought my sisters and I would have kids around the same time and get to raise them together. I never imagined I'd have any issues getting pregnant. My mother had eleven children for goodness sak...